i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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