Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
