I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
