i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
