Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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