can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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