As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Drake has all the answers
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
