I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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