just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
