bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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