he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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