Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
