Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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