Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
