I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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