Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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