apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she smelled like a LAN party
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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