Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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