Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
