I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
