Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
