I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
