DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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