You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
