i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
