i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize
