so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
