My girlfriend figured out who you are.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
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She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
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he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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