My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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