1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
