the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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