I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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