Where did you get a picture of my penis
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
