Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
