I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
