maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
