his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
