don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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