I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Terrible idea I love it
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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