I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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