So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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