I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
