Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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