She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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