I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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