My girlfriend figured out who you are.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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