Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
