yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
accomplished twins. life is a go
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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