Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
