I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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