Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
