On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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