I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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