you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
