Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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