Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
