Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
