saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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