im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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