dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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