Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
