We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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