so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
