can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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