just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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