jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
