I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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