Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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